I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
