3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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