The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
