i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
