i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You took a bar mat shot.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
