I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
