She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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