I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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