my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
