If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize