if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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