look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
