Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
