I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
