Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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