I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
