I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
