how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
