FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
