no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
