I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
