So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize