we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You took a bar mat shot.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
