I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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