i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
