Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
