Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
