Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
