Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
