I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
