Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
