Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
