ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
