Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
