been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
