tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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