Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
