you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
