Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
PANTIES FOUND
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