You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
