He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
