the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
