someone get that fucking seahorse.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
cat food counts as protein by the way
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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