The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Everyone says I win the strip club
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
