Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you will always have a special place in my vag
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
