Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize