Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
