I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
God I need to hump something, right now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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