Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
