He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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