Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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