mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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