So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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