So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
