dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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