Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
