i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
