If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize