My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
