I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
